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8 RenegadeMagazine.com
My life changes so fast sometimes
even I get confused about what all I
have going on. I have had an amazing
year to say the least. At the end of each year I like to focus
on the things that I got accomplished, set goals for the up-
coming year and just reflect back on how much my life has
changed. Every year it seems things happen in such a weird
way that it almost has to be planned, but yet not by me.....
After bringing my purple Dart home, my bodyman and good
friend Jim Crabb said he would paint my 73 Rallye Challeng-
er Plum Crazy Purple. Damn it! I just
spent $3000 because I was hell bent
on getting a purple car and now he
says he will paint my Challenger purple
for the same amount of money. Well,
there was no hesitation as a purple Challenger is my dream
car. So the same day he brought my “Green Go” Charger
home on the trailer, he also loaded up my Challenger to start
working on it.
A few months ago I sold the 360 motor and trans out of my
73 Dart to Gabe. He then sold his 440 to his friend Joe Man-
della and put the 360 in his 1969 Dart. After months of de-
liberation on whether I really needed three cars, I ended up
selling Gabe what was left of the 73 Dart, which was now just
a body. I had sold the Weld Draglites a few weeks earlier,
kept the racing seats and purple/black covers for the Chal-
lenger and stripped off everything else that could be used on
any of our other cars. Gabe then traded the Dart to a guy for
a 69 AMC. It’s no wonder no one else can keep up with what
we got going on!
As of right now, I have absolutely NOTHING running! But ya
know what, I have been here before. My obsession has gone
astray as I have always wanted an AMC Javelin. Now that
Gabe has made the first move into AMC territory it makes me
really want to proceed with going forward...But alas, I still do
not need three cars! I think about spending my money to buy
a Javelin and then sell it in a year to year and half when the
Challenger will come on wearing new paint, but then I realize
if I do buy the Javelin, then I will be struggling again on not
wanting to sell it. Sometimes it is just hard to focus and by
focus what I really mean is have fewer toys. Right now with
two Mopars and three old
Harleys, one would think
with having nothing run-
ning that I must be crazy
to even be thinking about
another project, especially since I just sold the Dart.
I often say if this is the worst of our problems, then we really
have no problems at all! I guess that really is the truth of
the matter. I was in Wal Mart one day buying some grocer-
ies. The lady behind me commented that the cashier and I
did NOT have to have a conversation about each and every
product (I was comping/price matching). I just looked at her
and said nothing. Immediately afterwards she was on her
phone and a few minutes later this man was standing right
in front of me. Since my recognition of people is SO bad, I
finally said “Hi”. He continued to stand there so I said “Do I
know you?”, Thinking of course I did and was waiting for his
response. Instead he starts yelling at me saying that I am
the reason his wife has been in Wal Mart so long. The lady
had CALLED her husband in as “backup” thinking something
“Green Go” Charger
RenegadeMagazine.com 9
was going to get done about, wait, get this, it’s coming- HER
HAVING TO WAIT IN LINE AT WAL MART!!!! OMG, have
you ever heard of such a thing???? The lady commented
that she had things to do, people were waiting on her and
then accused the cashier and I of being FRIENDS! WOW,
I had never seen the cashier before in my life. I held my
tongue as I knew ANYTHING that I was thinking about that
lady and her husband would absolutely land me in the pokey!
The guy then went to customer service and complained about
me, came back and continued on with his rant. When my total
came to about $100, I said “I am thinking about paying for this
in pennies, is that ok?”. That made the man fly off the handle
and say “Now you two are just going super slow on purpose”.
Funny thing is, after I checked out, I went a few aisles over
and guess what- for people in such a fucking hurry they were
STILL there even after checking out so that they could con-
tinue to bitch about me! I guess THEY are the ones with the
real problems. All the years that I was couponing, even using
1000 coupons at a time, I never once had anybody act like
that!
What drives me crazy
is the fact that if Gabe
had been with me
none of that would
have happened. The woman wouldn’t have made shitty re-
marks and she wouldn’t have called her husband. I used to
joke that a lot of times when I was couponing it would have
been SO worthwhile to look like a man or have a man with
me. One time I even asked a local deputy if he would start
shopping with me just so the cashiers would be intimidated.
He thought I was joking, I obviously was not. So many places
treat me like shit but they won’t treat a man like that.
When I used to work at the local photo lab there was a woman
there named Merry, but she went by Chris. She did wedding
photography, so did I. When I started putting my business
cards out at the shop, she was hiding them and then started
throwing them away. One time when I answered the phone
her husband told me that I STOLE her name, because I guess
there can’t be two people in the same town or business with
the name Chris. He even went told me I was stealing his
wife’s business. Oh yeah and she was my boss!!! She used
to leave me notes overnight that said “You are so stupid”. But
because I was smarter than her, I kept them so that when I
went to file for my unemployment it would prove that I was the
subject of harassment, which I was. Have I mentioned that I
have worked for shitty people????
Another time I was working at the dry cleaners. My job was
specifically to hang and match up the clothing to the tags that
came in. It was also in my job description that if the shirt
presser didn’t get done by 3:00, that I was then to finish iron-
ing the shirts. In normal circumstances, this would never have
been an issue. Well the bitch that was the shirt presser knew
this so she decided to go as slow as she could and then try to
“make” me do the shirts. Well, of course, that didn’t go over. I
was threatened to be fired every Friday from that job. It got so
annoying that as soon as I finished my work load I would yell
across the room “Well, do you want me to come back Monday
or not?”. Did I mention that the owner was going to college
to become a PREACHER???? The lady who was pressing
the shirts had her husband tell my friend that he was going to
KILL ME!!!! WOW, your husband is going to kill me because
I refuse to do your job? WTF?
When I worked at the bodyshop, my boss was SO jealous of
me he couldn’t stand it. When I would talk hunting with the
guys, he went out and bought a gun even though he had nev-
er owned a gun in his life. When I started the Camaro Club, it
drove him crazy that I was getting my club in the newspaper
for free and that he had to pay to get in the paper. When I
had myself a tank top made instead of a regular T-shirt with
the business’ logo, he went and had himself a tank top made
too. He would get so aggravated when the salesmen and
other professionals would come to the shop and want to talk
to me about my drag racing, projects and what not that he
ended up firing me. He told the unemployment people that
I had pictures of Camaros doing burnouts on his computer
screen!!! Can you believe the nerve of some people???
Sometimes
things
just go wrong. A lot
of times in my life I
have been told one
thing, but yet, amazingly, the opposite happens. Years ago
when I was working at a hotel, the boss told me I was going
to get a raise, be promoted and go to full time. The very
NEXT day, while home on my day off, they called and fired
me! Since I am not one to just take getting fired lightly, I
drove there in my Camaro and of course, told them to all go
fuck themselves.
Once when I was about 19, I was at the local tire shop get-
ting new tires to put on the Camaro. I told them what tires I
wanted and what size. When I got back, they had put huge
tires on it so every time I turned a corner, the tires rubbed
against my fenderwells. I promptly went back there, told the
guy to take them off and put the tires I wanted on it. I found
out later, I got that guy fired. Damn bastard should have put
the tires I wanted on.
I am also very prone to knock stuff over, catch stuff on fire
and just obliterate anything in my way, accidentally of course.
One time I was at a party and went to use the bathroom and
when I got done, I grabbed the door and accidentally pulled
the whole door off the hinge.... When I first met Gabe he told
me to reach out and grab the wiper to get the snow and ice
to loosen and when I grabbed it the whole wiper arm came
off in my hand. When I was in college, our PBL club was
staying in a motel and when I sat down on the bed I broke
someone’s glasses. The girl threw a fit and tried to make me
buy her another pair. I said “Who leaves their glasses lying
on a bed?”. I mean, seriously I wouldn’t take my eyeballs out
and just leave them lying around.
One time I went to wash Gabe’s truck and rammed the pas-
senger door into a tree. Another time I drove it to Sonic and
knocked the side mirror off. The first job I ever had was
working maintenance and I dropped a huge bookshelf on
“
Sometimes things just go wrong
”